Girl, “Stop Shrinking” Why You Keep Making Yourself Small?

Can I get real with you for a minute?

You know that feeling — the one that sneaks up when you’re around certain women? You’re standing there, shoulders tight, words caught in your throat, heart beating a little too fast… and somehow, you’re smaller than yourself. You shrink. You dim your light. You hush your voice.

And here’s the thing — it’s not always them. Sometimes, it’s us. We start questioning ourselves. Measuring. Comparing. Sizing up every smile, every outfit, every confident move, asking, “Why does she look so put together? Why is she so bold? What’s wrong with me?” We find flaws — real or imagined — in ourselves so we can make sense of why we feel less than.

Why do we do this? Why does another woman’s brightness make us want to fade? Why does someone else’s boldness feel like a threat? It’s like our insecurities suddenly have a megaphone, and we’re listening. But here’s the secret, sister: God didn’t make you to shrink because someone else shines. He made you to step into your own light — fully, unapologetically, unmuted.

Here’s the truth, sister — comparison is a sneaky little thief. The enemy knows exactly how to use it against you. He whispers in your ear: “She’s better than you. She’s smarter than you. She’s prettier than you. You don’t belong here.” And just like that, your confidence takes a seat in the back of the room. Your voice gets softer. Your boldness? Muffled.

But let me tell you something: God didn’t call you to measure your worth by anyone else’s exterior. Your value isn’t in the way your hair lays, the size of your dress, the boldness of your laugh, or even the applause you get from a room full of people. Your worth is in Him. It’s anchored in His love, His purpose for you, and the gifts He’s placed in your spirit.

So, how do we stop shrinking when other women shine? Here’s the tea, sista:

1. Recognize the lie for what it is.
When you catch yourself comparing, pause. Ask God: “Is this truth, or is this the enemy trying to steal my peace?” Most of the time, it’s a lie.

2. Celebrate her without dimming yourself.
You can cheer for her boldness, her success, her shine — and still be the queen God made you to be. Her light doesn’t take yours; it just reminds you that there’s room for both.

3. Anchor in your identity.
Every morning, every mirror moment, every conversation — remind yourself: “I am chosen. I am loved. I am unmuted.” When your confidence is rooted in God, not people, comparison loses its power.

4. Step boldly anyway.
Sometimes, the first step is literally showing up fully, speaking your voice, wearing your outfit, saying your truth. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to shine even when someone else shines brighter.

Sista, the next time you feel yourself shrinking around another woman, don’t run from it — lean into it. Pray, anchor, step, and shine anyway. Because God didn’t make you to hide. He made you to rise. To laugh loud. To speak out. To live unmuted.

Let’s get really honest for a sec, it’s me and you now talking — you know those moments at a party or a meeting where another woman walks in and immediately owns the room? The way she laughs, the way she carries herself, the way everyone’s eyes follow her? And you? You find yourself straightening your shoulders, holding your words, wondering if your hair looks right, if your outfit is too loud, if you’re even enough to be there? Yeah… we’ve all been there.

Or how about when you scroll social media and see her latest “perfect life” post — the flawless outfit, the awards, the travel pics — and suddenly you’re questioning why your week feels so ordinary? Sista, this isn’t jealousy, this is your spirit crying out, “I’m not fully standing in who God made me to be.”

Here’s the funny part: God laughs at our little shrinking acts. Not mockingly — but lovingly. He’s like, “Child, I made you too. I put that fire in your spirit. Stop dimming it to make room for anyone else.”

So let’s get practical. When you feel that shrinkage creeping in:

• Call it out loud. Say to yourself, “Okay, comparison, I see you. You don’t get to control me today.”

• Re-focus on your wins. Even the tiny ones. Did you speak up in that meeting? Slay your outfit? Send that encouraging message? That’s your light, sista. Own it.

• Pray, laugh, repeat. Sometimes the best defense is a little Holy Spirit pep talk, followed by laughter because, girl, life’s too short to stay small.

And here’s the ultimate truth: your God-given boldness isn’t up for debate. It’s not a competition. There’s room for her shine and yours — but only if you stop shrinking, stop dimming, and start stepping fully into who He made you to be.

So next time you feel yourself fading, grab your tea, sit with me on this couch, and let’s remember: we were made to speak, laugh, love, and live unmuted. Period.